


No Fate I want No World

by Bellakitse



Category: 9-1-1: Lone Star (TV 2020)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Angst with a Happy Ending, Carlos loves him anyway, Fade to Black, M/M, Mention of attempted suicide, Romance, Soulmate-Identifying Marks, TK is his own worse critic, soft boys in love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-09
Updated: 2020-05-09
Packaged: 2021-03-03 03:47:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,095
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24098299
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bellakitse/pseuds/Bellakitse
Summary: He’s twenty-six, he’s never heard of someone getting their soul mark five years after their 21st birthday. He stares at the name on his wrist with a mixture of happiness and dread. It feels like fate or destiny, or whatever fucking entity that controls this is laughing at his expense. Why else give him a soulmate after he’s had his heart crushed and almost died. Why now when he’s more of a mess than usual.What can he possibly have to offer Carlos, whoever he might be?*A re-telling of the first 3 episodes of the show where TK and Carlos are soulmates.Written for Lone Star Week Day 7 - Anything Goes
Relationships: Carlos Reyes/TK Strand, Past TK Strand/Alex
Comments: 27
Kudos: 470
Collections: 9-1-1 Lone Star Week





	No Fate I want No World

**Author's Note:**

> I have always wanted to write a soulmates fic for one of my OTP's and never had the guts, these two boys can get me to do anything.

When TK turns twenty-one, he doesn’t wake up with a soul mark as expected. As he searches his body for a name, he tries not to give up hope. Although rare, it’s not unheard of a person getting their soulmate’s name sometime after their birthday.

By the time his 23rd birthday rolls around though, he’s come to accept that he doesn’t have a soul mark because he doesn’t have a soulmate.

Not everyone has one; he tells himself to temper his disappointment. After all, a good thirty percent of the population walks around every day without a soulmate, and live happy, fulfilling lives. Hell, even having a name on your body doesn’t guarantee you happiness; his parents are glaring proof of that. Having each other’s names didn’t stop the fighting that ended in divorce court. His dad was even able to find happiness with his second wife, if only for a little while.

Having, or in TK’s case, not having a soulmate isn’t the end of the world. He reminds himself of that every time he catches a glimpse of someone’s soul mark. He stops thinking about it when he meets Alex.

Handsome, with a charming smile and playful glint in his dark eyes. He sweeps TK off his feet, and before he knows it, he’s in love.

The best part?

Alex doesn’t have a mark either, and TK is so head over heels for the guy, he convinces himself the lack of soul marks on each other is just proof that they belong together.

He didn’t need a name given to him by some unexplained invisible power to find the person he’s meant to be with; he does it all on his own. Take _that_ fate.

It all comes crashing down on his head when Alex answers his marriage proposal with a rejection and a confession. He sits at the table frozen as he listens to Alex tell him about the man he loves, the fact that Mitchell has a soul mark that doesn’t say Alex doesn’t seem to matter. The apology he gives TK before he leaves is muffled under the roaring that is happening in his ears, and while the Oxy he scores off some random dealer mutes the noise, it doesn’t numb the ache in his chest.

Later, when his father asks him if he was trying to kill himself, he says no, but even he can hear the doubt in his voice. When he took the handful of pills, he wasn’t really thinking about anything else but making the pain and voices in his head stop. The ones that tell him the reason he doesn’t have a soul mark, is because he could never be good enough for anyone.

He met someone without a name on their body, loved them with everything he had, and they still fell in love with someone else. Having a soulmate wouldn’t go any better for him, and that’s why fate spared him from having one.

Except – he suddenly has one.

It takes him a few days to notice it, he and his dad are in the middle of packing their apartments, getting ready for his dad’s solution to his relapse when he spots it. Just underneath his watch in a small, neat script is the name of his sudden soulmate.

_Carlos._

He’s twenty-six, he’s never heard of someone getting their soul mark five years after their 21st birthday. He stares at the name on his wrist with a mixture of happiness and dread. It feels like fate or destiny, or whatever fucking entity that controls this is laughing at his expense. Why else give him a soulmate after he’s had his heart crushed and almost died. Why _now_ when he’s more of a mess than usual.

What can he possibly have to offer _Carlos_ , whoever he might be?

He doesn’t tell his dad about the mark; his watch hides it well enough. The man has enough to worry about between trying to build a new firehouse and TK being a fuck-up. He tries to ignore it; he’s too raw to even think about what it means to have a soulmate now. Still, he can’t help but trace the name when he’s alone, or stop the trickle of hope that creeps through despite his resolve to forget about his mark.

People for centuries have studied the soul marks. Everyone takes classes on them and their history at some point in their education, and every scholar has a different opinion on the subject. The only thing they can agree on is that you can’t escape fate, whether you end up with your soulmate or not, at some point, you will meet them.

TK just doesn’t realize he would meet his so soon after the name appears.

He’s been dancing with the cop from the earlier emergency for three songs now; he feels himself lighter than he has in a while, his smile and laugh aren’t fake for once. Every time the guy brushes against him as they move to the beat, TK feels his body light up.

“Do I get a name?” he asks with a grin, they lean against the counter waiting for the bartender to come back with a beer for his dance partner, and a mineral water for him.

“ _Only_ if I get your phone number,” he gets told with a blinding smile, and TK finds himself smiling back, charmed as he holds out his hand.

The cop grins as he hands over his phone. TK saves his number into the cellphone before pressing the call button so that his own phone rings.

“Okay, so what am I saving you as?” he asks again. “Just calling you ‘the hot cop who can shake his hips’ feels like I’m being rude to your badge.”

The cop laughs softly in return. With a hand on TK’s waist, he leans into him, and TK finds himself swaying into his space, his eyes locked on the guy’s full lips, and he wonders if a simple touch of his hand sends his heart racing, what a kiss would do.

“I’m Carlos,” the hot cop smiles at him, and TK freezes at the name. He looks at him again, really taking him in. He’s beautiful, the kind of gorgeous that turns heads. In fact, he’s seen more than one person look in his direction with an interested gaze, and TK finds himself having to push down the sudden flare of possessiveness. Warm brown eyes look at him waiting, and TK takes a deep breath hoping that it will calm down his racing heart.

“I’m TK.”

֎֎֎

By the time Carlos texts, asking if he wants to grab a bite to eat, TK has convinced himself that he isn’t his soulmate. The guy didn’t react to his name in any weird way; he just smiled as he told him it was nice to meet him. He spent the rest of the night getting to know the guy enough to know there was no way he could be his soulmate.

Carlos was sweet, charming, intelligent, and attentive; no way TK got that lucky, and no way did Carlos deserve a mess like him.

He meets Carlos for lunch, and there’s no denying that while he might not be his soulmate, there is some real chemistry there. The energy between them crackles and builds, and when Carlos suggests they head back to his place, TK has to stop himself from dropping to his knees for him right then and there.

They make it back to Carlos’ apartment, practically fused together. Carlos licks his way into TK’s mouth as he presses him against a wall, and he feels his stomach clench with need and desire. He helps him out of his shirt before he pushes him back on the couch, and he finds himself holding his breath as Carlos takes his shirt off before he covers him with his perfect body.

The next hour is a blissful haze for TK.

Carlos takes him apart with his hands and mouth, leaving TK a quivering mess before he finally pushes into TK’s body. TK holds on, meeting Carlos thrust for thrust, he’s never felt this complete while having sex with anyone, and he just wants more. He urges Carlos on, begging for him to sink deeper into him, to push harder, and Carlos gives him exactly what he wants. He kisses every inch of skin he can get his mouth on, his hands touch TK like he’s something precious. He whispers endearments into TK’s ear, calling him baby and sweetheart, telling him he’s beautiful. When he comes, it’s so intense that TK is practically sobbing from all the emotions crashing inside him.

It’s the first time he’s genuinely felt alive since his OD, so of course, it doesn’t last long. He’s catching his breath, laying in Carlos’ arms when he sees it. On his left side, right under his pec, Carlos has _his_ real name written in _his_ handwriting.

_Tyler._

TK stares at it, but no matter how much he looks, the name doesn’t change. _His name_ , the one he barely uses, but still.

His handwriting is on this beautiful man who just made him sees stars.

His soulmate.

He gets up in a hurry, half-dressed before he’s out the door, making excuses about work when Carlos suggests in a seductive voice he stick around for round two. He leaves before he gives in to the temptation to stay and bask in the discovery of his soul mate.

He leaves before he ruins him.

֎֎֎

He spends his shift lost in thoughts of Carlos, of what it felt to be with him, and what it means now. He’s read countless articles and books over the years on the subject, all talking about the connection formed between soulmates even before they acknowledge their status.

It’s been romanticized in popular culture, that sex between soulmates is supposed to be like no other sexual experience. TK has always believed that to be bullshit, he’s had great sex without a soulmate, it’s something he excels at, but now, having been with Carlos, he has to reconsider his position on the subject.

Sex with Carlos is like nothing else he’s ever experienced, and just hours later, he’s already craving the feel of the other man’s skin under his hands. He yearns to hear again all the breathless sounds Carlos made when they were together.

This is why, even though he knows it’s a bad idea to go back to him without telling him it’s his name on his skin, and that he’s playing with fire. When Carlos calls him over after midnight, he can’t do anything but go to him.

He’s antsy when he gets to his place, itching under his skin to touch Carlos again. When he opens the door, looking _gorgeous_ in that pale blue dress shirt, TK for a split second thanks whatever higher power decided to give him a soulmate so breathtakingly beautiful. Even if he doesn’t deserve him, and there is no way TK is going to be able to keep him, he’s thankful.

That thought turns sour a few minutes later when Carlos keeps him from kissing him the way he wants, and with a proud smile shows TK all the effort he’s put into the night for him. TK sits down at the table reluctantly as he tries to stop all the ugly thoughts already running through his head.

_He doesn’t deserve Carlos. If he knew what a mess TK really is, he would run away. When he finds out they’re soulmates, he’ll be disappointed._

He comes off short, and then before he can stop himself, he comes off nasty. He sees the flash of hurt and confusion on Carlos’ face and feels gutted – so he runs. He gives Carlos a half-assed apology and leaves.

֎֎֎

What happens between him and Carlos, plus Judd poking at him, leaves him angry, reckless and self-destructive, proving further what a mess of a person he is in his current state.

He ducks the first swing of the redneck’s fist and then the second, feeling a rush when his own fist connects with the guy’s jaw before his buddy jumps in, knocking him to the floor. The whole thing is over in a matter of minutes, and before he knows it, he’s being pushed into the back of a squad car.

He’s guided to a desk, still cuffed and told to wait for one of the officers to bring him his paperwork, and mumbles a thank you when he’s offered an ice pack. He’s not exactly surprised when Carlos is the officer that sits down at the desk. TK has decided that fate is indeed real, and it’s fucking with him.

“Seriously?” he can’t help but question. His heart beats loudly at the look he finds in Carlos’ brown eyes.

“Austin’s a small town TK,” he shoots back sarcastically. “Or should I say, Tyler Kennedy.”

TK’s breath freezes in his lungs, and he feels a painful thump under his chest when Carlos gives him a hurt look.

“Were you ever planning on telling me?” he questions quietly, shaking his head sadly when TK doesn’t answer, and all TK wants to do is touch him, to make it better somehow, but he doesn’t know what to say.

Carlos shakes his head again; he tells him no one is pressing charges, hesitating for a moment before he continues.

“I’m not trying to be your soulmate,” he tells him, his voice faltering slightly. “Or even your friend if you’re not into it, but you should talk to someone about why you felt compelled to do something so suicidal.”

TK stares at him; his voice still lost at how close to home Carlos hits with his words. He sighs sadly at him, and before TK can stop him, he’s grabbing his wrists to uncuff him.

He knows the second Carlos sees his name on TK by the gasp he lets out.

“The second I saw your full name on the file, I _knew_ ,” he whispers, still staring at TK’s wrist. “I knew you had to be my soulmate, it’s the only thing that explains everything I have felt since I met you,” he looks up at him, and TK can’t help the sound that escapes his mouth when he sees the hurt in Carlos’ eyes. “But I still didn’t believe it. You didn’t say anything, you saw _your_ name on me and said nothing, why, Tyler? Was it because you didn’t want it to be me?”

“Because I’m a complete fucking mess,” TK blurts out, desperate for Carlos to understand that it’s _him_ , _he’s_ what’s wrong here, not Carlos. “I didn’t even have a soul mark until a couple of weeks ago.”

Carlos frowns at him, his confusion obvious. “What? How is that possible?”

“I don’t know,” TK says helplessly, running a frustrated hand through his hair. “I didn’t get one when I turned 21 like everyone else, and eventually came to terms with the fact that you didn’t exist for me.”

“That’s my handwriting,” Carlos points at his wrist. “My name.”

TK nods softly, giving Carlos a half-smile. “It’s my handwriting on you too.”

“I don’t understand,” Carlos says, looking as lost as TK feels. It breaks TK’s heart, and he can feel the urge to fix it clawing its way inside him.

“I had a really bad break up in New York,” he starts, swallowing hard as he wonders how fast Carlos will run when he’s done explaining. “Like nuclear bad, and then I relapsed.”

“You mean with me?” Carlos asks quietly, looking away from him.

“No,” TK answers just as softly, the shame he feels turning his stomach. “I mean with substances.”

Carlos looks at him, his eyes going wide. “The champagne at dinner – ” he whispers, his face drops as he looks at him with remorse.“ – I’m sorry.”

TK shakes his head quickly, hating the guilt he sees in Carlos’ kind eyes. “You didn’t know, and I didn’t handle that at all. I'm the one that’s sorry.”

“It’s okay,” Carlos assures him with a half-smile, and TK shakes his head again.

“It’s not, I was a jerk,” he tells him.

“After my break up, I scored some Oxy,” he continues, taking a deep breath before saying the next part. “I OD’d, my heart stopped, and my dad and crew brought me back. A couple of days later, your name showed up on my wrist.”

He looks up at Carlos, having said the last part looking at the desk, and he feels his heart squeeze at the tears he sees in Carlos’ eyes.

“TK,” he whispers brokenly. “I –“

“You don’t have to say anything,” he pushes himself to say before Carlos can tell him he can’t deal with the mess of a person he is. “I don’t expect anything from you, not after the way I treated you, or now that you know the truth. Fate is an asshole to have saddled you with me. You deserve so much better – “ he cuts off, gasping when Carlos wraps his hand around his wrist, his thumb pressing on his name.

“Carlos – “ he whispers breathlessly, his body lighting up at the touch. There is no way they didn’t touch each other’s soul marks when they had sex, TK gets that now. The intense feeling of warmth and contentment is back, and TK feels whole.

“Are you going to try to make all the decisions in this relationship?” Carlos asks calmly, though his eyes are a few shades darker than usual as he runs his thumb back and forth over his name. “Because that’s not going to fly with me.”

“R –relationship?” TK stumbles, his insides feel like warm melting butter. “ _Carlos_ –“

“ _Tyler_.”

TK lets out a soft sigh. “I usually hate when people call me that, but it sounds nice coming from you.”

“Well, I’m your soulmate,” Carlos smiles gently at him, his fingers are still touching TK’s soul mark, and he can feel himself caving.

“I’m such a mess, Carlos,” he says in a last-ditch effort to remind himself and Carlos why this is a bad idea. “You shouldn’t be with me because fate wrote our names on the other, you deserve better.”

Carlos looks at him, considering his words, and TK tells himself that he’ll be okay when Carlos agrees. He’ll find a way to survive Carlos not touching him after this.

“There’s a lot to unpack here,” Carlos answers finally, his voice soft but firm. “Let's start with this, I get to decide what I deserve, not you,” he holds up a hand when TK opens his mouth. “Two, you say you’re a mess – okay, I can concede that point, you haven’t exactly been easy to deal with.”

The corners of his mouth quirk upward, taking the sting out of his words.

“But guess what, TK, everyone is a mess in some way or another,” he continues. “You have baggage, and so would the next person I choose to be with.”

TK can’t help but make a face at the thought of Carlos with someone else; it makes Carlos grin.

“You don’t like that?” he questions with a teasing tilt to his voice. “Does the idea of me with someone else bother you? Do you know what the solution to that is?”

TK glares at him, pouting when Carlos chuckles softly at him.

“Now you mentioned fate,” he moves on, his voice still gentle. “Fate isn’t everything, we have free will, and if you don’t want to be with me, there is nothing I can do about it. But fate did decide for whatever reason that we are a good match, and the way my skin sings when I’m around you – I don’t believe it was wrong in its decision. I can’t make you be with me, TK, but I do think it would be a waste not to try to make us work.”

“Carlos, I – ” he trails off, covering his hand with his, feeling the warm skin under his fingertips.

“I know you feel it too,” he whispers, his eyes show such honest affection, his feelings for TK plain to see.

He was with Alex for two years, and he never looked at him the way Carlos is looking at him right now.

“We deserve a shot,” he pleads. “You say you’re a mess? Then let me help make it better; let me be there for you. All I ask is for a chance.”

“I might hurt you,” TK whispers, feeling a knot in his throat.

Carlos nods. “I might hurt you too, but I promise I’ll try very hard not to.”

TK bites down hard on his lip, feeling his eyes sting when Carlos’ expression goes painfully soft.

“I also promise not to leave unless you explicitly tell me to,” he tells him, his hand already wiping under TK’s eye before the tear even spills.

He gets to the root of TK’s fear so easily, for a second, he wonders if he can read his mind. This has been his real fear from the moment he first saw his soul mark; people leave TK; it’s what they do. He can’t even blame them, he’s the common denominator for every person that has walked away from him, so there has to be something wrong with _him_. He’s learned to live with it, but he doesn’t think he could live with finding his soulmate, loving him, and then watch him walk away, he’s just not strong enough for that.

“Do you promise?” he asks, his voice cracking painfully.

“Yes,” Carlos says with conviction. “I’ve known you for such a short time, and I already love you, and it has _nothing_ to do with our soul marks. It’s you, TK, it’s impossible to know you and not love you. If you have me, I’m not going anywhere.”

TK closes his eyes as more tears run down his battered face.

“I want to kiss you so badly,” he hears Carlos whisper. He opens his eyes to see Carlos looking around; it reminds TK suddenly that this whole conversation has taken place at Carlos’ place of work. He feels himself blush even as his heart flutters under his ribcage with warmth and hopefulness.

“I can take you home,” Carlos offers with a hopeful look of his own.

TK frowns at him. “Don’t you have to finish your shift?” he asks, and he watches with confused enjoyment as Carlos’ face goes pink.

“I was actually already done when you came in,” he says with an embarrassed look. “I just stuck around because I wanted to be near you, and begged my coworker to let me be the one to release you, that’s when I saw your file.”

TK stares at him for a moment before he starts laughing, the tension of the night releasing, making the situation funnier than it actually is, especially when Carlos rolls his eyes at him.

“Come on,” he says, standing up from the desk. “You can laugh at me on the way home.”

TK is still chuckling as he gets up and follows Carlos out of the precinct, only stopping when they get to Carlos’ car. He puts a hand on his forearm, drawing his attention.

He comes to a decision and steps into Carlos’ space slowly, giving him time to step away. Carlos just watches him patiently, his eyes closing a second before TK brushes his lips against his, pressing against them softly. Neither of them moves to deepen the kiss for a moment as they bask in the feel of each other, but when they finally do, it’s like touching electricity. Everything inside TK lights up, and he thinks he must have been an idiot to believe for one second he could walk away from this.

He’s a mess of a human, that hasn’t changed because he met his soulmate, and yet he feels lighter than he has in the longest time just by being in Carlos’ arms.

Fate and destiny aren’t everything; not all soulmates make it, he knows that, but he also knows Carlos is right. They’ve been given a gift, and it would be a shame to waste it.

“Home?” Carlos murmurs when they break the kiss, a little out of breath, and a beautiful smile on his face. TK understands he means more than just his place by the word, so much more.

“Home,” TK answers back, and he knows by the way Carlos’ smile grows, he understands that TK means more too.

**Author's Note:**

> [tumblr](https://bellakitse.tumblr.com/)
> 
> I can't believe Lone Star week is over already, I hope you all have enjoyed it and my fics. Thanks to everyone who has read, reviewed, and left kudos. It means so much!


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